These stories aren’t so much about the revelation of my crumbling marriage, as much as they are about what God is allowing the crumbling of my marriage, to reveal to me about the condition of my own heart.
The sweet gift of my marriage, had somewhere down the line been handcrafted into an idol. Inside it’s frail exterior, were all my hopes, my dreams, my faith and my trust–and the tighter I held on, the more I suffocated the life out of everything I placed inside it.
I have spent countless moments wondering why this was happening to me and to us. I have been angry and hopeless. So full of rage and envy for what other people have. and then in a moment, during one of many late night conversations, my mom answered my pain with this,
“Whether or not you two had ever ended up together, both of you were always going to have to have these conversations with God.”
and it was clear to me. Not everyone will go through the pain of a separation or the tragedy of divorce. Not everyone is diagnosed with a life threatening illness, or grows up with an abusive or absent father. Not everyone loses a mother or a sister and you may never go through the agony of having multiple miscarriages. Perhaps you will never become addicted to something destructive or feel the sting of a wasted life–but in the midst of our unique, individual pain, we all have this one thing in common–a series of divine appointments with the ultimate Creator and Healer of our hearts.
And the season for ours is here. While we were being formed in utter seclusion, God had already marked a time and place where He would individually be discussing with me, the condition of my heart–and with my husband, the condition of his. These conversations that dealt with our obedience, our surrender, our healing, our willingness to walk in love, our surrender to God’s will above all else–these conversations, were always going to happen.
This is your invite in to some of those conversations.
I hope they’ll encourage you to begin having your own.